i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
