what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
