Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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