Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
