you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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