sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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