Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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