Don't you send me to vm
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
