i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to calm my uterus...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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