getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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