I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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