Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
