U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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