I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
