i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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