Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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