Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
