Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
