His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
