I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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