C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
