Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
