Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
