Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
