you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
