it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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