i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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