If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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