update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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