i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize