Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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