Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
