I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
