What a fucking waste of an outfit
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
