I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
