Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
