You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
