True but thats because hes a fetus.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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