My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
