guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
