i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
