It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
