remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
