He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
