I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
