Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i think my mom watched the whole time
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
