Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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