Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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