Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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