no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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