well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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