FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My cat gives me a boner
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
