hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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