Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
