My room smells like vodka and shame
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
