now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
