Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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