If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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