please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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