Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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