i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
