know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
