Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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