I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
