i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
