So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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