The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
