True but thats because hes a fetus.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
