I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
