Non-Jews are for practice
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
