i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
