the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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