Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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